Sunday, July 3, 2011

Falling Water

Yesterday I called the therapist I last went to seven years ago. My son was in eighth grade then, and now he is finished his sophomore year of college. She heard something in my voice and she fit me in, and recommended a double session, which turned out to be exactly what I needed. As I talked the tears and fears just overflowed. I felt like a person who had been parched with the deepest thirst who found a cold, fresh waterfall and I stood under that falling water and sent all my cares swirling away. Nothing seemed so scary afterward. Everything just was. I had so many pieces of the puzzle but didn't know to put them together. She helped me see the picture whole. She helped me get past my own locked-in place so that I could find the room called compassion. Understanding. Forgiveness. Love. She helped me drink deep from the fresh cold water. I'm not so thirsty anymore. I plan to go back, to keep going back. For a while anyway. This is a whole new stage of life. And in a weird way, everyone dances around me, as I dance around them, and if one of us is out of sorts, then everyone is suddenly out of sorts. If I am in balance, my husband and children and even my mother will have an easier time finding their own balance. So, with the old people declining and the children off pursuing their lives, and my husband and me figuring out how to do this new stage of our lives together, I called my old therapist. And it was good.

17 comments:

  1. So glad you had someone to go back to.

    Lucy

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  2. Dear Angella, I'm so happy to read this! You are the lodestar for those around you.
    This comes at a time when I have been considering getting some "help" and all the signs are pointing me in this direction, now, reading this, I take as another sign.
    Thank you,
    Always,
    Y

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  3. Yes you're so right. My husband always says that when I'm not happy, none else can be. Great that you did this.

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  4. You are wiser than you know, dear friend. Those of us who are willing to admit that we do not have all of the answers are the ones who know when to seek out those who are skilled in guiding us.

    I am right there with you. The wings are sprouting, the parents are aging, my mother does not have a dime to her name and now expects my husband and I to support her and her husband. Life can be very complicated when you become part of the "sandwich" generation. It can be a very lonely place to be. You are not alone, love.

    Big hugs.

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  5. Sounds like a good move! There is a lot that's good still ahead.

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  6. What a wonderful relief, release, support for you. It can make such an enormous difference...

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  7. yes. it's a lifeline. (i still do phone therapy with my NYC therapist...)
    :

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  8. I need to do the same. Thank you for reminding me - or inspiring me, rather.

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  9. I am pleased that you are finding your path again. If by each falter we are all diminshed, by each strength, we are all strengthened.

    Best wishes, Isabel

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  10. Angella, you are so strong, and probably know why you don't have that balance. Something is pulling you, or pushing you, something you can't quite acknowledge, maybe it's too strong, but you're okay and you're right to work it out. Before the kids, there was you and him, and now it you and him. Find him, let him find you. It's a new beginning but a great continuity. Sending you love and happiness.

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  11. ps. none of my comments have been showing here for a while. that's ok.

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  12. So pleased that you chose to call her and that she helped.

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  13. Dear Angella - you are wise and brave, yes. So often, we women are 'lodestars'. As Isabel says, 'by each strength we are all strengthened. . . ' Like you, I recently decided to call up my old therapist and re-engage in the process. What a lifeline it has been. Take best care xx

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  14. I'm thinking I should come see you in the next couple of weeks and set you straight. We can talk all day and I won't even charge you by the hour. Although if you tip me, I won't be offended. Stay strong until then. You do come from strong people you know. Don't let them down. You are not "The Weakest Link". m.
    p.s. I've been away all weekend.

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  15. The delicate balance between knowing we can't have all the answers and suspecting there ARE answers we can't reach alone. We are strengthened by the strength of each other and encouraged by their hope. xo

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