But God made a compelling case in my life today in the most organic, unexpected, heart-easing way. Just saying it happened. 'Cause I'm all kinds of grateful.
But of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't immediately seize on a new thing to worry about, which is that my daughter leaves for South Africa in three days. She and her group will teach the arts to kids at two township schools over her two-week spring break, and she is sick. She has a cold, which I am praying is just a cold, and will we know for sure in time? Her dad has just recovered from a tough case of the flu that knocked him down for four days. I kept thinking of a mighty oak laid low, as this man hardly ever, in the twenty-eight years I have known him, takes to his bed. He's fine now, but it would really suck for my girl to get that kind of sick on the other side of the world.
I think I must be addicted to worry. What kind of faith woman am I? My mother always says, trust your hopes and not your fears. I'm doing my best.
You are so loved.
I'm glad your heart is eased. :)
ReplyDeleteI bet your daughter will be fine in three days, and I'm sure she will have a rewarding and fascinating trip. She's lucky to be able to be a world traveler at her young age.
Sometimes when I am worrying about something I don't need to worry about, I will visualize myself pushing the worry away from me, like a big dark cloud. Of course, if I could really stop worrying, I could probably also stop saying things like the previous sentence, which implies there are things I really do need to worry about. *sigh*
It seems hard lately to trust our hopes instead of our fears. Our fears speak so much louder sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI used to think I had a lot of faith, that I could let things happen as they naturally happen, but lately I'm trying to control too much and I wonder why I'm so anxious.
I think the flu with kick itself out with the hope of seeing such amazing new things. And if your daughter is sick, she might learn one of those valuable things about taking care of ourselves sometimes. She seems like a very strong young woman - with many thanks to you, I'm sure.
xo
You wouldn't be a MOTHER if you didn't worry so much.
ReplyDeleteI so hear you.
ReplyDeleteYou feel and see and live deeply, Angella.
I think it's hard, but right.
I'm always amazed that despite your anxieties you let your children choose their own path. This is an example among many as to why I fear I am not cut out for mothering -- I could NEVER let my kid go 1/2 way around the world like this. What a brave and exceptional thing.
ReplyDeleteHope it's just a little insignificant sniffle. Sending up prayers.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic journey your beautiful girl is about to embark upon! I am so excited for her.
ReplyDeleteYou will survive her absence and love her even more when she returns.(if that is even possible:)) I am thinking that if her symptoms begin to worsen today or tomorrow that you should bring her to the doc and get her a prescription for Tamiflu. Like you, I am the "worrying" kind of mom. Better safe than sorry. If this turns into the flu, at least she will have the Tamiflu with her and if not, even better!
Pray. It is the true part of having faith. You cannot do this (not worry) on your own. Believe me, He knows and He understands.
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be a process that begins with worry and eventually, not always sooner than later, comes around to acknowledging what I can't control. Would I reach that place without the worry first? I haven't yet. Such an amazing, life-expanding opportunity for your wonderful daughter. We arrive at trust as soon as we can. xo
ReplyDeleteellen, thank you for that, friend!
ReplyDeleteRachel, let's hope the flu kicks itself out, as you say. she is pushing so hard with school work till the last minute. it is 2 a.m. right now and she is still up working. she needs rest. it's hard to watch her push herself so. all i can do is stay up with her.
Ms. Moon, ain't that the truth, though! One mother to another!
deb, please keep her in your thoughts. i know you are a warrior! i know you know what i mean. love.
koshercritter, i don't know why i ever gave consent to this. i second guess myself all the time. but she is demanding to grow, and i have to let her! nice to see you.
Tess, prayers are good. thank you.
Debra, she did see the doctor today, who does think it is a cold, but gave her a prescription to take with her just in case.
Bruce, you are so right. I am powerless on my own. But all of us together, that is something. Lots of love.
Marylinn, thank you for reminding me that we cannot control everything, that trust and faith must take the place of worry and fear.