Every new death reminds me of his. To this day, sixteen years later, I have not grasped that my dad is not simply "away." I cannot fathom that this man I have loved so completely could be gone from this earth. After he died, I heard someone say that "death is but a horizon, and a horizon is merely the margin of our sight." Ever since, I think of him out there, on some green hill beyond the horizon. With me still.
Oh, friend. You're going through so much transition and loss now. So glad you're expressing it to help deal with it.
ReplyDeleteHugs and best wishes.
Nola darling, thank you. Hugs to you too.
DeleteI can't say I understand, never really having had a father, but I am sure that it is must be the hardest thing to lose someone who loves you like that. And time changes it, I guess, but it never will make it all okay.
ReplyDeleteMs. Moon, i had a good father. not perfect, but deeply good. and though i didn't actually say it in the post, yes, he did love me like that. it sustains me still. thank you, dear woman. i wish you had had such a dad. but your children have such a dad, and that is a wonderful thing too.
DeleteMe, too. Every death brings back memories of previous deaths, and so far in my life the hardest has been the death of my father. I'm so sorry you are going through such a sad time right now, my dear friend.
ReplyDeleteellen, your relationship with your dad reminds me of mine with my dad. better to have had them, even though the space they used to inhabit is so large and empty now. well, not empty. the memories are sweet.
DeleteI wish I had said what NOLA said but it's true and I love you and that photo is so wonderful. Your dad was a hottie. And damn I think of you all the time and your children and your husband and my curiosity about all of you and how I wish you lived closer so I could watch you through a telescope and write about you!
ReplyDeleteOH MY BOG I SAID IT OUT LOUD!
ahahahahaaahahaa.
You seriously amaze me.
love,
Rebecca
Rebecca! woman you are a hoot!!!! you know what, you would be so sorely disappointed and would soon abandon that telescope. but i do wish we lived closer and could drink coffee or tea together and talk or not talk, but definitely laugh sometimes and i wish i could hear you play music, too. xo
DeleteThere's something just amazing about that image. And heart-wrenching.
ReplyDeleteA, it might be my favorite image of my dad as a young man. nice to see you. hope you are well.
DeleteI love that idea of being beyond the horizon. And that picture, he looks like an amazing man. I'm glad you had him for a father. I'm starting to miss mine too, he's still alive, but he's not the same these days, age does that to you.
ReplyDeletelove d
he never leaves you. remember that. just the other day, my grandpa appeared in my dream.he's been gone for more than a decade, but he appeared so effortlessy as if he never left.
ReplyDeleteWHAT a photo. And what a father, I imagine -- your love for him is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI'm in a poor place for words these days, but this is beautiful and I hope we are all lucky enough to have a motorcycle and a horizon like his.
ReplyDeletexo
I think a father like that is like a powerful sort of tree, steady and strong and constant. When they do fall it shakes the ground, for sure.
ReplyDeleteI think your first instinct is right - I think your Dad is just *away*. I don't believe in the permanence of death any more than I believe in the permanence of these living bodies. xoxo